Be assertive rather than aggressive

Some people get angry because they don't assert themselves. They find it hard to speak up or to make their point, so they tend to keep quiet. But their anger is likely to simmer until they get to boiling point and they become furious - and everyone knows it.

If this sounds like you, it will help to learn to speak up for yourself sooner rather than later. You need to calmly make your point using the word 'I'. For example: 'I would like you to help me with the shopping.' Or 'I'd like you to explain what you need.'

By being assertive, you avoid becoming aggressive later. A good book to read is Assert Yourself by Gael Lindenfield.

Wear an elastic band around your wrist

Try using a diversionary tactic. Some people use imagery such as picturing a tranquil lake to reduce anger levels.

Another technique is to wear an elastic band around your wrist. When you feel yourself losing control, twang the elastic band hard against your skin. It will sting and hopefully stop you in your tracks, buying you a moment or two before you 'explode'.

If you pause, think and take a deep breath, the chances are you can avoid an outburst.

Don't argue after 9pm

There is no doubt that arguments can get out of hand late in the evening - particularly when couples are tired or a bit boozed. What often happens is something trivial develops into a major row. If this keeps happening in your house, agree a curfew on difficult conversations. You will find that any important issues are better talked about in the daylight hours, when people are fresh and sober.

Get more leisure

Many people work crazy hours these days. And many of these individuals seek help from therapists because they are constantly irritable and angry. Some admit to smashing keyboards or throwing things round the office. This is not normal behaviour.

Anger and irritation can be reduced by finding more time for you. So, try to delegate more and to leave the office earlier. Take a lunch hour or at least get out of the office for a walk - even if it's just for 20 minutes. Above all get more sleep.

All work and no play no longer makes Jack dull - these days it makes him angry, dysfunctional and sometimes mentally or physically ill.

Take plenty of exercise

Exercise is an excellent stress-buster - and if you reduce stress, you reduce irritability and anger. Everything from a brisk walk to a circuit at the gym or a game of squash raises the level of endorphins (happy chemicals) in your brain. Exercise also soaks up stress and enables us to work off our frustrations.

Have a laugh

Laughter is a great antidote to anger - particularly if you can laugh at yourself. It's almost impossible to stay furious if you find the funny side of the situation and can let off steam this way.

It can also be helpful to watch some comedy. If you can laugh and chill out a bit in the evening, you can go to bed feeling upbeat but tranquil. So, whether your taste is for Alan Carr or Dad's Army, try to watch your favourite show at least twice a week.

Drink less alcohol

Many people with anger problems find alcohol makes things worse. After a couple of glasses of wine, they find they simply have to make their point or put someone right. Often this leads to huge rows or violence. And it's common for the angry person to feel guilty or ashamed the next day.

It's not easy to drink sensibly if your friends are getting drunk all around you. But if you want to stop getting so angry, you might want to try drinking less or even cutting out alcohol altogether.

Drink more water

Various experiments have been done in schools to see if encouraging pupils to drink more water might improve concentration and have a calming effect on behaviour. And in some schools, it's appeared to work. Certainly, people tend to feel irritated if they are dehydrated.

If you are someone who gets angry easily, but doesn't drink much liquid, try drinking the recommended eight glasses of water a day. It's quite possible this will help to stabilise your moods.

Remember four letters

When you get into such a fury you're in danger of doing or saying something you're going to regret, whisper the letters SGCB to yourself. These stand for:

• Step back
• Grab hold of something
• Count to ten
• Breathe deeply

When we're furious, we always move forwards and may well be in danger of hitting someone. By stepping back and then grabbing hold of something and counting and breathing, we stop that momentum and gain control of ourselves.

Eat regularly

In our rushed lifestyles, it's common for people to miss breakfast or be too busy for lunch. But our bodies and minds need regular fuel. If you go too long without food, you'll become irritable and there is an increased risk you'll become angry. Try to eat a balanced diet and eat regularly. You will feel better and calmer if you do.

Understand you have a problem

Everyone gets angry. And sometimes anger can be a good thing, for example when it motivates us to do something about social injustice. But if your anger is out of control and threatening to damage friendships, romance or your career, you need to take action.

A good book on anger is Overcoming Anger - When Anger Helps and When it Hurts by Professor Windy Dryden. Dryden uses cognitive behaviour techniques to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy anger and demonstrates how angry moods can be changed.

Try an anger management course

Free anger management courses are very thin on the ground, but cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) is a good treatment for anger because it examines and challenges negative thoughts and beliefs.

(courtesy / reference: inc.com)
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Think +ve, Be +ve

Ajit Vidyadharan

Certified Wealth Manager / Financial Advisor
Certified Trainer, Certified Leadership & Performance Coach
Sabhav Wealth Management Services
+919664966416